How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
