I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
