you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
