operation harelip BJ is a go
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he fucked my hip out of place.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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