I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
