So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
