Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
