Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
