i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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