Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
