saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
