do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
if only i could text you this smell
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
