after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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