So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
