i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
