You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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