tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's rum buckets o'clock
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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