I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
