I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
