holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
