my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
