we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We need to get me chipped asap
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
