Small penises have feelings too.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
