I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
