I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
