for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
