If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Randomize
