Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
