enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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