O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
