i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
