Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
