One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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