My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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