dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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