Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
