he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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