the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
