I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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