Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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