I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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