oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
How external is "for external use only"?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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