the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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