i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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