So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
