Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
