Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
