she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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