why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
