is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
