Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
