Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
